Michigan Preview

For the first time in history, Michigan and Notre Dame are 0-2. Of course, there is a long history of Notre Dame and Michigan playing the second game of the season. Anyway, Jerry's Notre Dame v. Michigan preview (155K doc) has been published. Special bonus feature: Why Michigan Sucks (81K doc).

A Dad's Worst Nightmare

From a forwarded email:

A father passing by his daughter's bedroom was astonished to see that her bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Ralph and he is so nice. However, I knew you would not approve of him because of all his piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that he is older than I am. But, it's not only the passion...

Dad I'm pregnant. Ralph said that we would be very happy. He owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. He has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime, we will pray that the government will continue to pay for Ralph's AIDS medication. He deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Daughter Beth

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jenny's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

Sharks with frickin' laser beams...

Ran across this while web surfing: They've begun casting for Jurassic Park IV. Laura Dern will reprise her role from the first film, though Sam Neill will not be around. As for story details, I'll let Erik Davis of cinematic.com fill you in:

And the plot? The "plot!" Brace yourselves folks, because this one might sting a bit. Here, I'll let BD (Bloody-Disgusting.com) break the news: "We're told that the film is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes."

Um, wow. So are they trying to say that a Velociraptor isn't dangerous enough on its own -- that the thing needs to carry a missile launcher too?! I understand the need to up the ante a bit (because the whole "Oh no, we're lost in a jungle full of dinosaurs" gig has kind of run its course), but do they really think that giving a Tyrannosaurus rex a machine gun ... I can't even complete the sentence without wanting to hit something. Holy crap is this premise absurd. Let me guess: At first, the dinosaurs are kicking some terrorist ass ... until -- oh no! -- they turned on everyone, and pointed their weapons at us! Damn it, I knew we shouldn't have given that Dilophosaurus a grenade launcher.....

To witness the creative genius of Hollywood at work....."Um, wow." really sums it up, doesn't it? I can see it now: Ms. Dern's character looking on with horror, gasping "Look, I told you this would happen....they're evolving - they've learned how to reload!"

ND v. Penn State Preview

Check out Jerry's ND v. Penn State preview (110k MS Word doc). For goodness sake, may the IRISH play better this week!

Jerry's ND Footbal Previews are Back

Check out Jerry's ND v. Georgia Tech preview (112k MS Word doc). Go IRISH!