A Dad's Worst Nightmare

From a forwarded email:

A father passing by his daughter's bedroom was astonished to see that her bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Ralph and he is so nice. However, I knew you would not approve of him because of all his piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that he is older than I am. But, it's not only the passion...

Dad I'm pregnant. Ralph said that we would be very happy. He owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. He has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime, we will pray that the government will continue to pay for Ralph's AIDS medication. He deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Daughter Beth

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jenny's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.