Tom and Jerry: Defenders of All Things Right and Good

Friday, April 18, 2008

My Morning Constitution

I generally don't link to articles on other sites, primarily because I'm afraid that one of our few and precious readers will follow the link to the other site, find more interesting content, and never come back. However, this article on National Review Online was quite an interesting read.

There was one passage, though, where I thought the author overlooked some important information:

And who among us has a soul so dead that he couldn’t listen to BHO Jr. [Barack Hussien Obama], righteously complain: “that was the rollout of the Republican campaign in November. They will try to focus on these issues that don't have anything to do with how you're paying your bills at the end of the month.” Because it plainly says, right there in the Constitution, that the federal government primarily exists to help you pay your bills.

Being the always-willing-to-help-out kind of guy that I am, I sent the following email to the author:

Dear Sir:

You stated in your National Review article of 4/18:

"Because it plainly says, right there in the Constitution, that the federal government primarily exists to help you pay your bills."

Yes, it certainly does, though admittedly it's a little hard to read, as it was written over an erased passage, the one that used to read "the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed". It's right after to the section guaranteeing you the right to privacy so that you can perform an abortion or sodomy, and right before the section guaranteeing you the right to "define one's own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life." In the case of defining my own concept of existence, my rights have repeatedly been violated: I believe that I should be waited on hand and foot; my wife refuses to honor this right.

As to the question at hand, however - yes, the federal government (and therefore, the President) primarily exists to help you pay your bills, in the same way that God exists primarily to help Notre Dame win football games. Neither the President nor the Almighty has done a very good job in a while. I enthusiastically advocate for new leadership in both positions. I nominate Barack Obama for both.


John G. Beckett
Modern Constitutional Scholar, Ph. D., Ph. D., Ph. D.

Like I said, I try to help out when I can.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Preparing For Parenthood

No, Lynda and I aren't expecting again yet, but I thought I should begin preparations for fatherhood by taking the "How Many Five Year-Olds Could You Take In A Fight" evaluation:


(It's '24', if the graphic didn't load correctly)

I believe it was my ability to be "morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children" that secured my impressive total.

Bring the little rugrats on!!!!!