Tom and Jerry: Defenders of All Things Right and Good

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Little Known Facts About Sarah Palin

Beginning with John McCain's surprising pick of Sarah Palin for V.P. last Friday, a number of little known facts about Mrs. Palin have been surfacing all over the web, and have been gathered together on one site. Here are some of the more interesting ones:

> Sarah Palin will give birth to the man who will lead humanity’s war against the machines.

> Sarah Palin knows how old the Chinese gymnasts are.

> Sarah Palin’s son is going to Iraq after the Surge, because a Palin during the Surge would have been unfair.

> Sarah Palin’s presence in the lower 48 states means the Arctic ice cap can finally return.

> Sarah Palin is awarded first dibs on Alaskan wolfpack kills.

> Sarah Palin will send Biden a pre-debate cheat sheet. The sheet will have tips on defending against Kung Fu Death Grip.

> NFL teams may draft Sarah Palin, if they forfeit all their other players forever, to maintain league parity.

> If placed into Schroedinger’s experiment, both Sarah Palins remain alive.

> Sarah Palin would have just had an eagle drop the Ring into Mount Doom.

> Sarah Palin fishes salmon by convincing them it’s in their interest to jump into the boat.

> The Northern Lights are really just the reflection from Sarah Palin’s eyes.

> The diamonds in Sarah Palin’s earrings were crushed with her very hands.

> If Sarah Palin and Chuck Norris mated, they would spawn a whole new universe.

> When Sarah Palin was 5, she cooked a whole turkey in her EasyBake oven.

and finally....

> It’s not over until Sarah Palin says it’s over.


In light of her performance last night, I am prepared to believe at least half of these.....

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