Tom and Jerry: Defenders of All Things Right and Good

Thursday, July 09, 2009

The Future of Marriage

As Jeanine Garafolo's character in The Truth About Cats And Dogs,

You can love your pet, but you really don't want to love your pet...

This nugget of wisdom was lost on a certain Ugandan woman:
Woman marries dog

A Ghanaian woman has married her dog because it has qualities she had seen only in her late father.

Emily Mabou, 29, of Aburi, married the 18-month-old dog in a ceremony attended by a traditional priest and local, curious villagers, reports the Daily Dose.

Her younger brother David Mabou said her family boycotted the wedding which they felt was "a stupid step to combat her loneliness".

But Ms Mabou said: "For so long, I've been praying for a life partner who will have all the qualities of my dad. My dad was kind, faithful, and loyal to my mum, and he never let her down.

"I've been in relationships with so many men here in Togo, and they are all the same - skirt-chasers and cheaters. My dog is kind, and loyal to me and he treats me with so much respect."

In the ceremony, the priest warned villagers not to mock the wedding, but to "rejoice with her as she has found happiness at last".

Asked how she intends to raise children with her new husband, Ms Mabou said simply: "We will adopt."

One can only hope that any "secret tape" taken during the wedding night is not forthcoming.

Now, I adore my dog, Tipper, but I can honestly say that the question of whether I would marry her or Lynda was not a dilemma that I encountered. However, consider all that Tipper had to offer:

* Tipper would never yell at me for leaving the toilet seat up.

* After I've just walked in exhausted from a 10-hour workday,Tipper would not demand that we immediately engage in a 2-hour conversation about her 'feelings'.

* Tipper has never used up all the hot water showering in the morning.

* Tipper has never asked me if I think she's getting fat.

* Tipper seems genuinely excited when I come home with the smell of another dog on me.

and the best reason...

* No matter what I've done to upset Tipper, all is forgiven if I simply rub her tummy.

On the other hand, Lynda's breath is considerably better, she is much better with finances than Tipper, and Lynda's dining preferences do not include worms, live grasshoppers, and her own poop.

Of course, my ideal animal mate was my long-ago girlfriend's ferret. Ferrets sleep 16-18 hours a day.

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