Tom and Jerry: Defenders of All Things Right and Good

Friday, January 16, 2009

A New Terrorist Threat

Yesterday, January 15, 2009, will be remembered alongside December 7, 1941 and September 11, 2001 as a day when America was attacked without warning. Thankfully, there was no loss of American life, unlike those two previous awful days. However, that fact should not detract from us recognizing our latest enemy.

I am, of course, talking about Canada.

Yesterday, a flock of Canadian suicide geese attacked a civilian passenger airplane, knocking out its engines. Their plan was foiled, however, by the pilots skillfully landing the plane in the Hudson River without damaging the aircraft, which stayed afloat long enough to have everyone onboard rescued.

Nevertheless, we must be vigilant against further Canadian suicide geese attacks, but more importantly, we must not allow our own feelings of fear and anger to result in retaliation against Geese-Americans, but to ask why this violence had been directed at us and to take a hard look at what we have done to inspire such an act. Why do Canadian geese hate us?

First of all, Americans have been oppressing geese for centuries: hunting and eating them, not giving them enough bread at the pond, etc. You could almost say we've been waging a Crusade against the Geese. Is it any wonder that a few brave suicide Geese (the Fowliban?) would seek revenge?

Secondly, they were Canadian geese; we are only reaping the rewards of our being condescending and insensitive toward our Northern neighbors:

How arrogant, how rude, how....American! Can we not see the cultural value of adding extra 'u's to words (colour, flavour, etc.) or ending every sentence with "eh?"

Thanks to Bush's ridiculous insistence that the US defend itself, America’s relationship with the world and other species couldn’t be worse. However, Hope and Change are coming. If Obama (Praise Be Upon Him) is willing to negotiate with Iran, Hezbollah, and Hamas, I am sure that he will be able to find time to sit down with some Canadian geese.

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