Tom and Jerry: Defenders of All Things Right and Good

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

10 Reasons Notre Dame Will Upset USC

In two years of doing these Notre Dame game previews, I have never made a prediction on the outcome of the game. Back in September, I did predict (sort of) that USC would beat ND on my blog. I still think USC is the more talented, more complete team. However, they will not win Saturday night. Notre Dame will win. Why? Here are 10 reasons:

1. Lynda will not be in the LA Coliseum, and I will be wearing my snakeskin boots**. If Lynda can believe that her dog can tell time, I can believe a) her absence in the stadium where the game is being played and b) my choice of footwear will help Notre Dame.

** - The Irish are 10W-0L this season when I wear the snakeskin boots I bought in Mazatlan, Mexico last April; the only game I didn't wear them for was Michigan. As I was putting them on that morning to go to the game at ND, Lynda said "Honey, you shouldn't wear those...they don't have much cushion and you'll be on your feet all day, and you don't want them to get scuffed up in the stadium with everyone stepping on them..." So you can see, me not wearing the boots and ND losing that day is really all her fault


2. This is Pete Carroll’s website. If you don’t hate him already, you will after seeing his splash sequence (“The Humanitarian” ?). Such hubris does not go unpunished.


3. By comparison, this Charlie Weis’s website. It redirects automatically to “Hannah And Friends”, his nonprofit foundation improving the quality of life for children and adults with special needs. Such lack of hubris does not go unrewarded.


4. USC has 7 Heisman Trophy winners. Notre Dame has 7 Heisman Trophy winners and 0 double murderers.


5. Notre Dame honors Our Savior’s Mother. USC honors a group known to be susceptible to ridiculous invasion plans.


6. Notre Dame’s big man on campus is Brady Quinn. Most Notre Dame passing records are owned by Mr. Quinn. Mr. Quinn, by all accounts:

- will graduate with a double major of business and political science
- has never accepted money from a booster, nor broken any NCAA rules
- is a devout Christian (though a Methodist; maybe the good fathers at ND can get him to convert before he leaves J)
- has never committed a felony
- is very loyal to his family, as attested to by numerous articles and by the fact that he did not wring his older sister Laura’s neck during her endless Fiesta Bowl publicity-grab last January

Compare that to just about any big man on campus at any other university. USC’s two most recent BMOC’s, Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush. Mr. Leinart took one class his final year at USC, ballroom dancing. Mr. Bush (and family) took over $100 thousand dollars from boosters. It strains credulity to think Mr. Leinart did not also partake in the money train.


7. Notre Dame’s most frequent practice and sideline visitors are Dick Vitale and Regis Philbin. USC’s most frequent practice and sideline visitor is Snoop Dogg.


8. USC players, coaches, and fans still, to this day, blame Charlie Weis for “growing the grass tall” for last year’s game, ostensibly to slow down USC (though they fail to explain why it would not slow ND players down as well). They blame kick returner Desmond Reed’s second quarter knee blowout on the “tall grass”, though replays show that merely hyper-extended it, and had nothing whatsoever to do with grass length and everything to do with the manner in which he turned and planted his foot. Compare pics taken during the USC game to any other game at ND Stadium and you will see no difference in grass height, nor will you see grass any higher than the toes of any player. What in the hell are they talking about? Such stupidity does often go unpunished, but it will not on Saturday night.


9. Ty Willingham is no longer Notre Dame’s coach, and Charlie Weis is.


10. Because the Notre Dame seniors, above everyone else, deserve it.


Notre Dame will defeat USC Saturday night. Believe it.

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